pressure

I have reached that point in my year where I need to know what I'm doing next year....and I still have no idea. It's starting to stress me out a bit. So this is a request for prayer and advice, if you have any.

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward." - Kurt Vonnegut

This has always been a favorite quote of mine, because it kinda sums up a philosphy I've always had. Sure, there are times you need to cry and just get it all out. I like laughing though, if I can, because I tend to feel better afterwards. The past few days I've been feeling pretty disgusted and frustrated with everything. (Poor Darin....I kinda took a lot of it out on him). However, this constant state of frustration and stress was having a snowball effect to where every little thing bothered me. This has been one of those situations where crying isn't helping anymore. So last night I took a big step back from those emotions, chilled out, and relaxed some. Talking to Darin and praying also helped. Now I am ready to laugh, because I had gotten pretty tired of all that cleaning up afterwards :)

Ketchup

So what have I been doing with my life lately? (obviously, not blogging). Just a quick rundown, though anyone who reads this probably already knows. I am in my final semester at Hesston College where I work as an RA. I also work roughly 15 hours a week at Applebees in Newton. My life and school plans after Hesston are still pretty shadowy, though I have officially applied to WSU now (yay me). I'm still dating Darin Widrick (about 9 months into it now) and went up to northern New York to visit his family right around the week of New Years. (I was plauged by plane delays, but that may be another story for another time. Suffice it to say that if you have to sit in an airport for 7 hours, I do not recommend the Kansas City airport as the exciting venue for that adventure. I wouldn't even call it the 76th most exciting venue). That about sums up life right now. When I'm not in class, I'm working; when I'm not working, I'm doing hw; when I'm not doing hw, I spend time with my boy or my modlings and other friends. Sleep is overrated :)
I hope you all are having a wonderful 2010 so far!

I'm Back! (or trying to be)

Well, here I am.....writing on my blog again.....what a weird thing haha. I'm going to try to update this more. Even though nobody even reads it anymore most likely :).

So.....sitting here, listening to Relient K, trying out my new computer that I probably paid a little too much for (but I like it), I'm thinking about the fact that we are into a whole new year, a whole new decade. Wow. I have changed so much in the past 10 years. Heck, a lot of that change has even taken place in the past year. So for this first post, I'm reflecting on some learnings and changes (for better or for worse).

In the past year:
-I have learned a lot about relationships. Specifically, a relationship with a certain someone. Darin Bruce Widrick has been one of the most important people in my life this year, and I still don't quite know what to do with our relationship. But time and prayer will tell.
-I've learned that in some ways I compromise way more than I ever thought I would. Some of these compromises aren't a big deal. In others I know I need to start standing up for what's right more often.
-I've learned the satisfaction that comes from working hard and paying your own way.
-But I've also learned that money isn't everything. In my crazy busyness with jobs, I've let some relationships slip by. I hope to start working on those this semester.
-I've learned how to deal with stuff, like delayed flights and going with my boyfriend to check into the hospital when he had MRSA.

-I've learned that I have a long way to go, but that I'm a very lucky girl, with all the people who love me no matter what and would do anything to help me. My parents, Darin, and especially my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I would be lost without Him.

Anyway, there's a lovely disjointed post for you. I'll work on this organization thing later. Maybe tomorrow I'll give you a quick update on life in general :)

A Facebook Note

Random Thoughts on Life, the Universe, and Everything

Just some random things I've noticed that I do. Can anybody relate to these?

- You know those times when you're walking down the street and realize that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you're supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

-Do any of you know the feeling where you watch a movie that you watched when you were younger and then you suddenly realize that you had no idea what the heck was going on when you first saw it?

- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

- Have you noticed that we seldom use lol for actually laughing out loud? Usually we just say it when we're mildly amused. Or when we have nothing else to say. Kinda the same concept as telling someone you'll brb....you're not really going anywhere, but neither is the conversation and you're tired of coming up with stuff to say.

- Answering the same letter 3 or more times in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

- I've always struggled with this.....How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- Are there really people somewhere in the world who first get in the shower and then turn on the water?

-Why is it that during an ice breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you're going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

- Sometimes I'll look at my phone to check the time three times in a row and still have no idea what time it actually is.

Seriously?

And the Nobel Peace Prize goes to......Barack Obama!

What?

That is what I'm asking myself right now. As far as I can tell, Obama won this basically just for being Obama. And because he can talk a good show. He has a lot of skill with words, but as far as I can tell America still has yet to see his many promises fulfilled. I think for this award actions should speak louder than words. According to a Yahoo news article, Greg Mortenson, a missionary kid and ex-army medic, and Obama's main competition for the award, has "made it his mission to build schools for girls in places where opium dealers and tribal warlords kill people for trying. His Central Asia Institute has built more than 130 schools in Afghanistan and Pakistan - a mission which has, along the way, inspired millions of people to view the protection and education of girls as a key to peace and prosperity and progress." I don't know about you, but it seems like this is more what should be rewarded at this time.

If Today Was Your Last Day (Nickelback)

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift, and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts, cuz there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

Just for the record

http://mylifeisaverage.com/

is an awesome website. You should check it out. :)

Dabar

"In the beginning God created order out of chaos with the spoken word dabar."

This is how the Heilsgeschichte, which is German for Salvation History, begins. The Heilsgeschichte (which means that you basically tell the whole Bible story) is the signature assignment for Biblical Literature, a class unique to Hesston College. At the end of the semester you have to be able to say or write the Heilsgeschichte, which is unique to each person. If you say it it usually takes about an hour.

Honestly I am really starting to enjoy this class. It is a lot of work, but I really like the professor (Marion Bontrager). He actually developed the curriculum himself and came up with the Heilsgeschichte and everything. He's having it officially published sometime soon.

Today we talked about dabar, which is basically the concept of saying something and having it happen....it implies a great deal of power. Dabar is the "word" of Isaiah 55:11- "....so is my word that goes out from my mouth. It will not return to me empty but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

catsup

So.....I have been at Hesston for about 5 weeks now and I thought I might want to actually catch you all up on what's been going on, instead of just dropping random funny quotes here and there. So.....let's see. The classes I am taking this semester are: Physics I, Organic Chemistry I, and Biblical Literature. Three classes seems like a light load but really I stay pretty busy. I also get an hour of credit for being an RA and an hour of credit for Chorale, so with those I have 14 hours this semester I believe. Speaking of being an RA, I am really enjoying it. I love my girls, they are all really awesome. One of the un-perks to being an RA is that I have to clean the bathrooms, but at least I get paid extra for that. I also work as a lab assistant/TA for the Intro to Chem class. I continue to try to transfer to the Applebee's in Newton but the one in Salina is not being super helpful. But I intend to keep trying. Between classes, studying, and working I manage to find some free time. I spend some of this free time playing basketball, hanging out with people, watching movies, Newells or Drubers runs, etc. However, my first choice for spending free time is to hang out with Darin, who's still living in Newton finishing his flying and working at Braums. And I'd have to say that about sums up my life right now. Hope I didn't bore you all too much :)

Chapel

Ken Rodgers: "Now this piano is 100 years and we just had it restored. The insides were all worn and cracked and chipped. It needed an organ transplant."



Think about it.....

Marion again :)

*said in a sort of squawk* "My pen is hot and dry!"

Chorale

Bradley Kaufman: I'll be back in a second. While I'm gone, all of you can think about your life and what you want to do with it.
chorale members: Ouch.

Decontextualizing

Today in Bib Lit, my professor, Marion Bontrager, was teaching about literary pitfalls to watch out for while reading the Bible.

MB: "Now let's talk about decontextualizing. This means taking things out of context and not looking at what it is really talking about. For example there was the student who was failing all his classes. He was homesick, depressed, and behind on his inductive. In desperation he turned to the Bible for advice. He opened it randomly and read the first verse his eyes hit on, in Acts chapter 1. "Now Judas went and hanged himself". 'Hmmm...'the student thought. 'I'll try that again.' He then opened his Bible to Luke 10:37 - "And Jesus said to him, 'Go, and do thou likewise.'" One more try....and his finger stopped on John 13:27. "What you are about to do, do it quickly!"
*Marion waits for laughter to die down*
"Now that's decontextualizing."

Bib Lit

Marion Bontrager (prof) : "Jonadab....I like that name a lot. Sounds kind of like a swear word. Jonadab!"